First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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