Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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