He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
