i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
love makes seman taste better
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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