Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
