She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
