were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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