Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
