I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
