Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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