i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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