So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
