matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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