I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
