ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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