Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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