Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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