I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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