When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
