Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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