i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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