Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
