Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize