Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
