I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
