Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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