All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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