It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
