no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
