we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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