Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
