All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
