I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
