it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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