The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
