I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
