Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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