Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
