I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
