We're like a lot better than the average bears
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
