I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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