he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
