i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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