dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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