he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
