The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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