Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
