He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
