i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
