when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
