Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
