Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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