Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
