oh god the rape fog is back!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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