Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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