he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize