you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
