you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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