Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
