Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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