Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
