I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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