I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
