Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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