you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
