I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
