He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
