somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
